Too tired to cary on...

Its been several months and my followers deserve an update. Ive been so sick and down that there hasnt been much to post.

Summer finally came and went here in Washington state. But it didnt happen without me getting fired from my job at Working America. I was $3 short of my weekly deposit quota. You can read about it HERE.

Ive been trying to get my job back while doing as much freelance work as I can. Mrs. Zebra is still unemployed and still battling many internal demons as well. When I do get work, I get the run around as far as what the client wants, all the settings change, etc. Why cant I just work and get paid?

We are so broke, we cant afford to go and do anything to get our minds off of things. We are eating once a day now too. Not even a big meal. We are slowly starving to death.

In September, I had my hearing for disability and it was post-poned a couple weeks because my lawyer was a hack and didn't show up. The new lawyer found that none of my docs had been helping me at all either, including those at Swedish. My hearing finally comes and the judge is conservative and dosent care that the docs have listed me as disabled, and according to SSI rules I qualify in several categories  Nope. Got the report today.

So on to the next level. If I survive.

Does anyone even give a shit?

Tumor strikes unsuspecting bystanders

So a good friend decided to come see us after many months of fellowship over the phone and online, and check out the Seattle scene. We got him situated on Saturday, then took the day to rest, as we were all exhausted. Sunday, we decided to surprise him with a trip up Mt. Rainier, as Mrs. Zebra and I could share driving. Our good friend even paid for gas! Was a great trip!

Yesterday, I casually took him around Downtown Seattle, and had a great time. Very tired, but so much fun. But unfortunately Mrs. Zebra stayed behind and cleaned the house for our guest. But she wore herself out. She was ready for bed, and unfortunately had a bit of a hormone explosion and misunderstood what was to be a quick stepping out as an exit for the evening and let loose. He thought it was his fault and now is considering leaving early. I fucking hate this disease. It's why we have such few friends.

How sick am I?

So for the last five days, I have been home off work. The office where I work was closed Wednesday through Friday so I had to tack on two extra hours each day for 5 days before. Those extra two hours killed me. I was barely treading water.

To a healthy person, this wouldn't be a problem. I have a two hour commute, mostly by ferry and bus, and minimum walking. Well, maybe just over a mile, most of it down hill. But for me, it's the hardest thing I have ever had to constantly endure. Just getting to the ferry winds me, and if I don't make the first bus after work, by sprinting over half a mile in 5 minutes, the I have to sprint 5 blocks down a 50° incline to make sure I don't miss that ferry.

The work also wears me out. I have to repeat the same script to people, most of whom are either idiots, jerks, or don't remember who we are or that I am a human and not a robot. By the time I get home, remember two hours each way, I can barely peal myself out of the car, or string together sentences. Mrs. Zebra has had to feed me dinner before because of how exhausted I am.

I'm really scared of what is going to happen to us.

Long time, no see...

Hey all. How have you been?

Im sorry its been so long. A lot has happened since I last posted. Mrs. Zebra lost her job, and to be closer to my doc in Seattle, we scrimped and scraped and barely made it up here. Just in time for the huge budget cuts to happen to social services. So we are in line to fill out paperwork to get in line to see a doctor. Mrs. Zebra is really sick, but we arent 100% sure what with. Her skin is thinning and her hands and feet are always in pain. I thought that I could go back to work and for the last month I have been commuting 2hrs one way to get to a part time job that makes just over minium wage. So after this month, we will probably be evicted. But maybe someone can help us out. Check out the video below and see if you can help.

The very weary zebra.

TOO stressed out!

Wow. It has been one hell of a day.

Before I continue, thanks to all of you who read this. I still get new readers all the time. To answer the latest questions, we have not moved yet. We have 39 days until our scheduled date. But we might have to push it back. And we got some solid leads for homes. So that's good.

Anyway, I've been super stressed lately. I have had to ween faster than I was ready, so I haven't been able to do much. I had to ween because my meds were too high last time we got unemployment. So I couldn't get my steroids. And at the time I thought I was tough enough to do it. Yea, well no. To boot, I've also been out of pain meds for the last few days. So I have tried not to move much. Just typing this is killing my thumbs.

Now add all that to the stress of finding a place to live in an area where rentals operate in a totally different way, and the stress of trying to deal with freaked out people when they find out you aren't full of crap and are actually moving, so they need to gain all your experience at once (notice I said experience, not knowledge because I figured it out for myself, so can they with a bit of help from me ;-)) and neighbors who's only car has been in the shop for weeks, so you are giving rides (Mrs Zebra has been having to lately because I can't drive much) and THEN, all of a sudden, the car battery won't hold an effing charge and you constantly have to go out and jump it! Lucky, we got unemployment two days early, so now we have a battery. Probably can get much food now, but at least we can drive past grocery shops and drool... 

Sorry, we both have just had it lately, especially today. We were fighting the urge to bite each other's heads off tonight even. My sweet, sweet wife is a very mean person where she is in pain. And I know I'm no happy camper either. 39 days until we move. And at least that long until we can get cannabis medical cards. I sure hope it's good pain relief. But at least we will be close to good docs either way. And wonderful friends who can COOK!

The Weary and deflated Zebra

Sick AND Moving

Yes, we are moving. No longer do I have to take this heat! How can we afford to move, you ask? I cant tell you. Not yet. I will be able to after the move, for sure. Its a tricky predicimate. Honestly, Im hoping the lawsuit against Capture the Market goes through before December, but that is going slow. Mrs. Zebra has finally stopped getting harassed, for the time being at least, and is slowly getting her new career online. It really sucks being sick, and needing to work. In any other industrialized nation in the world, we would both have jobs and be on sick leave until better. End of story. So we are doing the closest thing we can and leaving Libertarian Texas for a more kind and gentler state- the great Soviet of Washington! LOL! Yea, not really. But still going to WA. My doc is there, and more friends family are there than speak to us here. I will miss my sister, brother, dad, and my close friend from child hood, but it will make visits that much better.
But, we have been trying to move for three years this October. We live surrounded by two year old boxes full of stuff we need, but have no room for. And we dont have the energy to unpack, repack, move, then unpack. Hopefully getting to WA will allow us to afford a storage unit or garage to store our heirlooms and stuff.
I have been in quite a low the last few weeks, but I think Im coming out of it. Mrs. Zebra is going into a low though, so its time to step up and do my share. But because of my limited energy, I cant make good on commitments I have made to others. It makes me feel horrible enough that I cant support my wife yet, let alone the feeling that I am making others upset that I am a flake. But soon, I WILL be making money. IN WA, I have a "job" of sorts that will allow me to work from home, and finance our health and eventually my first documentary.
Sorry for not blogging more but with the low energy, and the harassment, I just didn't feel like it.
The Weary and Depressed Zebra.

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

1 year post op: kick me while Im down why dont you?

Im sorry its been a while since my last update. Ive been so down and low in energy, and depressed that I just havent wanted to. That and I really feel like no one cares. 

Since my last update, I lost my insurance, and Mrs. Zebra lost her job thanks to the stalker and a co-worker dogging on her so much she snapped. Both of us are unemployed, both are sick. Im not sure what we are going to do, but we both feel we need to move west. Please, if you can, donate to help us move closer to Dr. Ludlum, by clicking the button in the upper left hand corner.

Last week, I had my 1year post op. I felt like crap all day after my Cortisol Stimulation Test, and couldnt get out of bed the next day.

I got a call from Dr. L's office today and I was kind of frustrated at it. Those of you who know what is going on with me might know why, but in a nutshell I had my pituitary slaughtered to rid myself of the tumor inside. They missed some, my numbers never crashed, and my pituitary never woke up again. In September, and January, same thing. I went to Seattle to do yet another CST, and now they are saying I have enough ACTH and cortisol to be life sustaining, but I still have Cushing's. My frustration comes from this: Later last week, I coudlnt get out of bed. Actually, I felt like crap all day Wednesday (the day of the test) and couldnt get out of bed Thursday morning either. So assuming Im still cyclical, and assuming my pituitary, until last week, was dead or zombified at least, wouldnt it be the TUMOR causing that? And if it is, is it really smart to be weening? How do we know if it is or not?

They want me to ween by 2.5mg a week, which is very slow. But last time I tried weening I ended up in the ER each time. I probably should have been in the ER last Thursday but I hadnt thrown up my stress dose (thanksAdrienne Brandstetter) and thats usually the point in which I go. What do you experts think? I know 20mg/day is high but if it is the tumor doing this, is weening off the steroids really that smart?

The pit is dead still, because Im not making GH or Testosterone either. The tumor is the only thing that could be making ACTH, even according to them. So why ween? If the tumor was "ON" that morning, even at a low enough level to look normal, I dont understand why that means Im ok to ween.

I hope this gets sorted soon, or I dont know what will happen.

Frustrated Weary Zebra