Confirmation! And doubt?

Well, I talked to Dr. Ludlam on Friday and baised on my UFC, he says I have Cushing's YEA!!! He still wants me to come in for the one week workup that is nick named "Camp Cushie" but he says that by failing the Urine Free Cortisol test, it should be realitivly easy to fail one or two more tests.

At Camp Cushie, he has people come in for 5 days and test every day. Not just one test a sdy, but blood, urine, saliva, etc every 4 hours for the first 2 days. The next 2 days I take a pill every 6 hrs to supress the cortisol (I think) and the last day there is some testing. For me, he also wants to do a IPSS test where they stick a tube from a vein on my thigh into my brain to determine what side of the pitutary gland the tumor is on. Its a two hour test total. I am SOOOO excited. The down side? The cost.

The tests at The Sweedish Medical Institute will cost over $30,000! So, because of this, we got ME insurance. The misses is still uninsured. It will be very tight here. for a long time now. And we are PRAYING they dont secrew me out of this before next year with pre-existing BS. But Dr. Ludlam was so impressed with my results that he was talking about me staying for 2 weeks to do the surgery the next week! I will have to see what happens, but things are looking up! It IS all in my head!

So we have started the process of telling friends and family. But, after the discussion with my mother in law, I feel like I must talk about this:

Faking it?


Well, it seems that my mother-in-law thinks I am sick so that we ask for money. In her mind, I am not sick and I am really just faking it or that it isnt as bad as we make it out to be, so that they will give us money! I haven't been this insulted since the LAST time she accused me of stupid crap! Like being in a cult and a devil worshiper, or EVIL! (yes, she said I was evil for taking her baby away from her. Issues? Just a little). Anyway, even to people in their right mind, this is a hard disease to explain. They are seemingly unrelated symptoms (chest pain, fat face, fatigue, urinating more, bruising, thin skin, etc) and its RARE so you cant have it. Its too rare for ANYONE to have it, right? It is said that 20% of the population has a brain tumor. That isnt rare, that is UNDER DIAGNOSED! And tonight's stress is brought to us by a woman who SHOWS many of the symptoms and has just undergone weight loss surgery to correct the symptoms! On top of it being hard to explain, my mother-in-law has trouble FOCUSING (symptom) on anything not inside her head or in front of her face! So a phone convo that is more complicated than, "It is snowing" is more than my wife can handle. I have given up talking to the woman about anything important, but like I said, its hard enough with normies. 

My dad really tried to understand and so have the friends I have told. Im scared to tell those at work just yet, but it will have to happen sooner or later. I really should just adopt the attituede of "either try to understand or STFU!" Well, time for der Shower and to ride this cortisol high out... still hard to beleve that a) Im 25 years old and need a cane and b) this might all be over soon... wow...


Emotional Rollercoster


Cushing's can be a ride for sure. But not nearly as cool as a rollercoaster. Maybe, like one you are strapped to and cant get off. 
Imagine, one moment you are depressed and tired. You ache and have really bad anxioty. Then, all of a sudden, you have all this energy and get ticked at the smallest thing!  And this happenes daily. Day in, day out. Oh, and you dont sleep. Maybe 3 hrs a night. 

But whats worse: When you finaly get your test results back, and they look like they point tword a diagnosis... and your doctor craps all over them telling you a bunch of BS about them. Saying that your faking the tests out and cheating! It makes me so mad! And depressed. Like I messed up or something. IDK, I just look to my friends for support... family still doesnt get it yet.

The Weary Zebra, still riding the loops...