TOO stressed out!


Wow. It has been one hell of a day.

Before I continue, thanks to all of you who read this. I still get new readers all the time. To answer the latest questions, we have not moved yet. We have 39 days until our scheduled date. But we might have to push it back. And we got some solid leads for homes. So that's good.

Anyway, I've been super stressed lately. I have had to ween faster than I was ready, so I haven't been able to do much. I had to ween because my meds were too high last time we got unemployment. So I couldn't get my steroids. And at the time I thought I was tough enough to do it. Yea, well no. To boot, I've also been out of pain meds for the last few days. So I have tried not to move much. Just typing this is killing my thumbs.

Now add all that to the stress of finding a place to live in an area where rentals operate in a totally different way, and the stress of trying to deal with freaked out people when they find out you aren't full of crap and are actually moving, so they need to gain all your experience at once (notice I said experience, not knowledge because I figured it out for myself, so can they with a bit of help from me ;-)) and neighbors who's only car has been in the shop for weeks, so you are giving rides (Mrs Zebra has been having to lately because I can't drive much) and THEN, all of a sudden, the car battery won't hold an effing charge and you constantly have to go out and jump it! Lucky, we got unemployment two days early, so now we have a battery. Probably can get much food now, but at least we can drive past grocery shops and drool... 

Sorry, we both have just had it lately, especially today. We were fighting the urge to bite each other's heads off tonight even. My sweet, sweet wife is a very mean person where she is in pain. And I know I'm no happy camper either. 39 days until we move. And at least that long until we can get cannabis medical cards. I sure hope it's good pain relief. But at least we will be close to good docs either way. And wonderful friends who can COOK!

The Weary and deflated Zebra

Sick AND Moving


Yes, we are moving. No longer do I have to take this heat! How can we afford to move, you ask? I cant tell you. Not yet. I will be able to after the move, for sure. Its a tricky predicimate. Honestly, Im hoping the lawsuit against Capture the Market goes through before December, but that is going slow. Mrs. Zebra has finally stopped getting harassed, for the time being at least, and is slowly getting her new career online. It really sucks being sick, and needing to work. In any other industrialized nation in the world, we would both have jobs and be on sick leave until better. End of story. So we are doing the closest thing we can and leaving Libertarian Texas for a more kind and gentler state- the great Soviet of Washington! LOL! Yea, not really. But still going to WA. My doc is there, and more friends family are there than speak to us here. I will miss my sister, brother, dad, and my close friend from child hood, but it will make visits that much better.
But, we have been trying to move for three years this October. We live surrounded by two year old boxes full of stuff we need, but have no room for. And we dont have the energy to unpack, repack, move, then unpack. Hopefully getting to WA will allow us to afford a storage unit or garage to store our heirlooms and stuff.
I have been in quite a low the last few weeks, but I think Im coming out of it. Mrs. Zebra is going into a low though, so its time to step up and do my share. But because of my limited energy, I cant make good on commitments I have made to others. It makes me feel horrible enough that I cant support my wife yet, let alone the feeling that I am making others upset that I am a flake. But soon, I WILL be making money. IN WA, I have a "job" of sorts that will allow me to work from home, and finance our health and eventually my first documentary.
Sorry for not blogging more but with the low energy, and the harassment, I just didn't feel like it.
The Weary and Depressed Zebra.

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

1 year post op: kick me while Im down why dont you?


Im sorry its been a while since my last update. Ive been so down and low in energy, and depressed that I just havent wanted to. That and I really feel like no one cares. 

Since my last update, I lost my insurance, and Mrs. Zebra lost her job thanks to the stalker and a co-worker dogging on her so much she snapped. Both of us are unemployed, both are sick. Im not sure what we are going to do, but we both feel we need to move west. Please, if you can, donate to help us move closer to Dr. Ludlum, by clicking the button in the upper left hand corner.

Last week, I had my 1year post op. I felt like crap all day after my Cortisol Stimulation Test, and couldnt get out of bed the next day.

I got a call from Dr. L's office today and I was kind of frustrated at it. Those of you who know what is going on with me might know why, but in a nutshell I had my pituitary slaughtered to rid myself of the tumor inside. They missed some, my numbers never crashed, and my pituitary never woke up again. In September, and January, same thing. I went to Seattle to do yet another CST, and now they are saying I have enough ACTH and cortisol to be life sustaining, but I still have Cushing's. My frustration comes from this: Later last week, I coudlnt get out of bed. Actually, I felt like crap all day Wednesday (the day of the test) and couldnt get out of bed Thursday morning either. So assuming Im still cyclical, and assuming my pituitary, until last week, was dead or zombified at least, wouldnt it be the TUMOR causing that? And if it is, is it really smart to be weening? How do we know if it is or not?

They want me to ween by 2.5mg a week, which is very slow. But last time I tried weening I ended up in the ER each time. I probably should have been in the ER last Thursday but I hadnt thrown up my stress dose (thanksAdrienne Brandstetter) and thats usually the point in which I go. What do you experts think? I know 20mg/day is high but if it is the tumor doing this, is weening off the steroids really that smart?

The pit is dead still, because Im not making GH or Testosterone either. The tumor is the only thing that could be making ACTH, even according to them. So why ween? If the tumor was "ON" that morning, even at a low enough level to look normal, I dont understand why that means Im ok to ween.

I hope this gets sorted soon, or I dont know what will happen.

Frustrated Weary Zebra

Stalker from former employer


First, I want to thank everyone that reads this and either shares it or offers advice, or any number of positive things. It helps me cope with the aftermath and the long road to recovery I am on. Thank you all so much. But there is at least ONE person who is sitting at their computer, reading this, that has decided that they know more about me and my condition, they think I am faking or lying about my condition and have decided to threaten my wife and I. They worked with me at my former place of employment, and have taken it upon themselves to break the law and send a harassing and threatening letter to Mrs. Zebra's place of employment. I keep her, and my name for that matter, off here for just such reasons, but there is only a three people at my former work place that I have told exactly where she works. And one of them actually had her husband look into getting a job there. So Im pretty sure who this was. So this post is for that person.

You know nothing. You have no clue what happened the day I was told to come back to work from Family Medical Leave (Act) and you have no idea what myself, and my wife, and my family have been going through. And instead of coming to me, and asking me what happened you decide to break the law and send a threatening and harassing letter to my wife, who is having a hard enough time coping with what happened in January. If you want to grow a pair and actually have an adult discussion about it, then why dont you come to me and ask? Well, now you can't because that would ensure your guilt in sending the letter, but your finger prints will probably be enough anyway (M.S. § 609.749, Subd. I)  But Ill let you off the hook just to educate you. But you have to come to me. Until then, the above photo tells you all you need to know.

The Weary and Angry Zebra

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets



I know I havent done an entry in a while. Mostly because not much has changed.
I had sinus surgery almost two months ago and while I am breathing a bit better, Im still not out of the woods as they say. Its not healing properly, probably due to the extra cortisol Im still producing. At least, I think I am producing. I am having cushing's symptoms still, and they are getting worse. I am waiting on a medfusion from Ludlum but they are supposed to call me. That will prompt a 8am blood test to see weather or not I need a full work up or not. And my insurance runs out after april. If I want, I can pay the full $600/mo but thats one unemployment check. So unless something happens soon, Im screwed. Im still waiting on growth hormone from Dr. Ludlum and honestly I dont know what to do at this point.
The last few weeks, I have been so depressed. I cant find work, I cant get my hormones fixed, and now Im about to not have insurance anymore. I just hope something happens soon to fix this.

The Weary, and worried, Zebra

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

Sinus Surgery


Today is day three of post op sinus surgery. I had surgery on Thursday, and it ie yet another one I really would rather not to again, but might have to anyway.

Apparently, the swelling was so bad, the ENT could not finish after four hours and gave up. He did fix my septum, and I have the splints to prove it. And he packed me full of foam for some reason. He didn't tell me anything about what he did, and told Mrs. Zebra very little.

This is so much worse than the pitutary surgey for the simple fact that at least with that surgery, I was kept as comfortable as possible. This time, they gave me low strength vicodin and said tough it out. I hate the doctors here, and I really get the feeling they don't like me at UT SW. They have on my file not to give me oxycotton or dilaudid, even after the latter was explained. Why no oxycotton? Got me.

The Weary Zebra

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

Laid Off


Due to medical, or the economy, or whatever, I was let go today. It was supposed to be my first day back and although I wasnt ready to go back to work physically, I was a little excited to get back in the editor's booth.This is has been such a hard year, I really hope and pray this is the last major obstacle we have to deal with. Im not sure either of us can take much more.
I have some options in both regarding this position, and others. But I am forcing myself to take one thing at a time. It is so hard dealing with this when you are so sick. I dont know how people do it. I really dont.

The Weary (jobless) Zebra

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

A rock and a hard place


Well, its been a rough road. Its been a while since I did an update so here goes.

First: after the six months post op, I am not completely better. In many ways, I am worse. But the docs told me to expect much of this and I was a bit to optimistic when I began this journey. We still do not know conclusively if I still have Cushing's. The MRI that was taken last week doesn't show any tumor left, but I still show many cushing's symptoms. We cant test to see if I still have it because I have a massive sinus infection since surgery and the last few months I have had to take massive amounts of steroids to just keep it at bay. Those would throw off any testing on my adrenals.

My pituitary still isn't working. I am low on several hormones, including testosterone and growth hormone. Because of this, I hurt all over and many of my systems are not working correctly, including my immune system.
And because of my sinus infection, I am due into surgery in the next few weeks. Thankfully it is local, at UT Southwest. But these guys dont like me much. Hopefully they will now, since I am going under THEIR knife. Its supposed to be as bad as my immediate post op from pituitary surgery. Fun stuff. Just found out today!

So hopefully none of this will affect me trying to get back to work. I miss cutting video and making graphics! I need to stay off of work, but waiting on disability will break us. We cant afford to wait years. Maybe I can find a loophole in the mean time.

More to come as it happens!

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets