Showing posts with label Dr. Ludlum. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dr. Ludlum. Show all posts

Long time, no see...

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Hey all. How have you been?

Im sorry its been so long. A lot has happened since I last posted. Mrs. Zebra lost her job, and to be closer to my doc in Seattle, we scrimped and scraped and barely made it up here. Just in time for the huge budget cuts to happen to social services. So we are in line to fill out paperwork to get in line to see a doctor. Mrs. Zebra is really sick, but we arent 100% sure what with. Her skin is thinning and her hands and feet are always in pain. I thought that I could go back to work and for the last month I have been commuting 2hrs one way to get to a part time job that makes just over minium wage. So after this month, we will probably be evicted. But maybe someone can help us out. Check out the video below and see if you can help.

The very weary zebra.


1 year post op: kick me while Im down why dont you?

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Im sorry its been a while since my last update. Ive been so down and low in energy, and depressed that I just havent wanted to. That and I really feel like no one cares. 

Since my last update, I lost my insurance, and Mrs. Zebra lost her job thanks to the stalker and a co-worker dogging on her so much she snapped. Both of us are unemployed, both are sick. Im not sure what we are going to do, but we both feel we need to move west. Please, if you can, donate to help us move closer to Dr. Ludlum, by clicking the button in the upper left hand corner.

Last week, I had my 1year post op. I felt like crap all day after my Cortisol Stimulation Test, and couldnt get out of bed the next day.


I got a call from Dr. L's office today and I was kind of frustrated at it. Those of you who know what is going on with me might know why, but in a nutshell I had my pituitary slaughtered to rid myself of the tumor inside. They missed some, my numbers never crashed, and my pituitary never woke up again. In September, and January, same thing. I went to Seattle to do yet another CST, and now they are saying I have enough ACTH and cortisol to be life sustaining, but I still have Cushing's. My frustration comes from this: Later last week, I coudlnt get out of bed. Actually, I felt like crap all day Wednesday (the day of the test) and couldnt get out of bed Thursday morning either. So assuming Im still cyclical, and assuming my pituitary, until last week, was dead or zombified at least, wouldnt it be the TUMOR causing that? And if it is, is it really smart to be weening? How do we know if it is or not?

They want me to ween by 2.5mg a week, which is very slow. But last time I tried weening I ended up in the ER each time. I probably should have been in the ER last Thursday but I hadnt thrown up my stress dose (thanksAdrienne Brandstetter) and thats usually the point in which I go. What do you experts think? I know 20mg/day is high but if it is the tumor doing this, is weening off the steroids really that smart?

The pit is dead still, because Im not making GH or Testosterone either. The tumor is the only thing that could be making ACTH, even according to them. So why ween? If the tumor was "ON" that morning, even at a low enough level to look normal, I dont understand why that means Im ok to ween.

I hope this gets sorted soon, or I dont know what will happen.

Frustrated Weary Zebra

A rock and a hard place

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Well, its been a rough road. Its been a while since I did an update so here goes.

First: after the six months post op, I am not completely better. In many ways, I am worse. But the docs told me to expect much of this and I was a bit to optimistic when I began this journey. We still do not know conclusively if I still have Cushing's. The MRI that was taken last week doesn't show any tumor left, but I still show many cushing's symptoms. We cant test to see if I still have it because I have a massive sinus infection since surgery and the last few months I have had to take massive amounts of steroids to just keep it at bay. Those would throw off any testing on my adrenals.

My pituitary still isn't working. I am low on several hormones, including testosterone and growth hormone. Because of this, I hurt all over and many of my systems are not working correctly, including my immune system.
And because of my sinus infection, I am due into surgery in the next few weeks. Thankfully it is local, at UT Southwest. But these guys dont like me much. Hopefully they will now, since I am going under THEIR knife. Its supposed to be as bad as my immediate post op from pituitary surgery. Fun stuff. Just found out today!

So hopefully none of this will affect me trying to get back to work. I miss cutting video and making graphics! I need to stay off of work, but waiting on disability will break us. We cant afford to wait years. Maybe I can find a loophole in the mean time.

More to come as it happens!

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3 weeks post op

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Im sorry I have not posted in a while. I have been so tired and sick lately I just have not had the energy. 

Mrs. Zebra and Dad-in-Law really pushed me the first few weeks to get out and do more and well intended as they were, I think I way over did it. I ended up in the hospital last week for a CSF (Cerebrospinal Fluid ) leak. I started dripping in a restaurant and that evening I was being transported from UT Southwestern ER to their Neuro ICU. Thats where I met the real reason I went to Swedish and Dr Ludlum/Mayberg instead of here. Once they found out I traveled to Seattle for my surgery, the docs became hostile and wanted to change up all my meds, and got really mad when I asked them to talk to the doctors whom care for me currently! I couldn't get the drip to reproduce but my drainage got worse. All the while, I am weening off my hydrocortisone which is the only thing standing between me and another trip to the ER. In fact, every morning between 2am and my 8am dose, I get to experience Adrenal Insufficiency. They dont worry because Im sleeping and its for a short time. And using this, its supposed to jump start my pituitary and so far it hasn't worked. 

So, friends, family, etc. I really cant go anywhere anymore. I had brain surgery. I look fine, but in the past week, I had a CSF leak and started bleeding internally again. I did way too much. Im sorry. I dont mean to disappoint you guys but my daily workout has been going to the bathroom in time to make it. If I have to, Ill start wearing bandages around my head. But feel free to come over and visit. Lord knows Im up for that! The apt is clean and you can move around it! And we do need some help with stuff. And just to come over and hang would be cool. But Mrs. Zebra canceled her old plans for my birthday this week and so far the plan is just for you guys to come over and hang out. She will have more details tonight. Thanks for understanding. If it helps, pretend I have cancer! 

I ween again tomorrow. The last one was scary, this one is even scarier. Keep me in your thoughts. For now, Im off for a nap. Doc appointment wore me out. Thanks Mike! You really came through!

The (very) Weary Zebra

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Post Op Day 9

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The last nine days have been like nothing I have ever been through in my life.

I must first apologize for being so late on my update. I have been relying on Mrs. Zebra to update friends and family but she has been exhausted the last few days as have I. Spending more than 20 minutes looking at a computer monitor makes me physically ill. This is problematic since my only link to the outside world is social networks like Facebook, Twitter, and the Cushing's Support site.

On Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 my life changed forever. At least I believe that it did. I had 70% of my pituitary gland taken out to ensure the remaining 30% was tumor free. The surgeon, Dr. Marc Mayberg, believes beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he took all of the tumor out. The part that worries me, and to a smaller extent the doctors, is that my cortisol numbers DID drop below 2.0, but did not stay there. I have not had my levels checked since I was discharged that Friday, but it feels like I did crash and stay low since then. Let me tell you, the surgery is touted to be a simple one from a neurosurgeon's standpoint but is nothing short of hell. I woke up to crushing pain from my head, and the Diabetes Insipidus was already flushing my body of liquids. Every part of my body was heavy and ached. Every sound was like an ice pick into my skull as was every beam of light. Blood freely flowed from my nose as did Cerebrospinal Fluid. Thankfully the two CSF leaks I had quickly healed themselves. Then came more blood. During surgery, blood drained into my stomach. It came back up. Mrs. Zebra said walking into my room was like walking into a horror film. I was screaming for help because I had to use the restroom and I was bleed everywhere. All of this masked the pain from my abdomen for days, where they took fat to plug my pitutary cavity. This surgery is something that, unless completely necessary, I do not ever want to go through again. It was as if all the years of suffering were boiled down and injected into my head at once.

This is but about 1/3 of what came up. They dumped the other two before Mrs. Zebra took this.

The light and sound sensitivity were present right up through my discharge, but one other side effect that was not explained to me still lingers. I can not smell or taste anything but sweet and sour. Spice is an acid so its effects are felt, as well as the effects of salt, but nothing else. This makes every meal very depressing. 

Each and every morning is hard to get up, worse than my "crashes" before and now that I have started steeping down on my medicine I shiver under my covers from being cold. For the first time in my life, the air conditioning at night is too cold for me. I am not complaining, mind you, just amazed. Between my lows in the morning, my aches and pains all day, and my cold at night, at least for the moment I think my Cushing's is finally behind me. 

I take steroids to help me function through the day. Dr. Ludlum gives high doses of Cortef to start, 30mg three times a day. Enough to give me back my Cushing's if stayed on too long. So he instructs to ween by 10mg every 4 to 7 days. I started my first ween Tuesday, day 7 after surgery and 4 days after I started surgery, so I did. I felt it for sure that night. I slept much better than I ever have. Last night, the only thing that woke me up was the nausea that ripped through my body. Not enough to make me throw up, but close. Each day I am vigilant in looking for signs if Adrenal Insufficiency. What worries me is that I truly dont know what A.I. is like because I dont know if I truly every felt it. What is A.I. and what is nausea from drainage from the never ending head cold I have now?

Besides the drainage, and the nausea, the fatigue is more than I could have anticipated. Even on the high doses of steroids, just getting up to use the restroom that is 25ft MAX away from my spot on the couch is enough to make me feel weak and tired. Milk jugs, water pitchers, even my Macbook Pro are way to heavy to carry further than a few feet. This makes dealing with every day events hard. Especially the fact that my Diabetes Insipidus is just barely under control. 

My days since arriving back home have consisted of resting and letting Mrs. Zebra's Father help with cooking, cleaning, and the like. He has been a huge help and when he leaves he will be missed more than he realizes. He is giving both myself and Mrs. Zebra a much needed break. For now, I focus on healing and fixing the vast sums of medical bills that come in. $100K just for testing is a bit much, but it is getting take care of. Mrs. Zebra is next. Hopefully she can either get on the new state insurance plan paid for by the new federal law or we will have to do something drastic. She is showing more and more symptoms of this dreaded disease every day. It is a horrible disease, and an almost as equally horrible ordeal for remission. I wish this only on those who refute it's existence or refuse to understand what living this way is like. It is nothing to wish for. My net time is about up for now. Time for a nap.

The Weary Zebra

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D-Day, Zero Hour

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Well, the day is finally here. The day I will start my new life. I do not know a life without Cushing's so its a bit intimidating. But I know it is for the best. Im so hungry, and I have sinus drainage so my stomach is not good this morning. I didn't sleep well, tossing and turning, but I did sleep. I woke up sore, but to a smiling round face wishing me a good morning! Im excited and very positive, even with the good/bad news from yesterday. 

I got to see my MRI yesterday and it looks like it is larger than the scan original said. It is 3.5mm thick. But it looks like 6-7mm long, nearly half of my 13.5mm Pituitary. And it is close to my artery. Its GOOD that he can see it, but that large and that close to the artery, well he has his work cut out for him. I dont know when my next blog will be, so keep up with the Caring Bride site for Mrs. Zebra's updates. I love you all. Time to shower and get ready...

"And I think it’s gonna be a long long time
Till touch down brings me round again to find
I’m not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I’m a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone"

The Weary Zebra

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

Courage

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A good friend of mine and I talked over Facebook yesterday and she suggested I make a list of things I hope will happen in my life. Ive had this disease my entire life and dont know what "life" is really like with out Cushing's. But I KNOW I need this surgery so I can have some sort of chance at a "normal" life.
But this morning, I went to church.

My body said no. My body needed rest. It did not want to get out in the heat. It did not want to walk or climb stares. But I knew that I would not be able to go after surgery for quite some time. The congregation prayed over me and people actually care, even though they have no idea what is wrong. But what surprised me was that a woman stopped me on our way out. Her daughter was told she has a pituitary tumor, has nearly ALL the Cushing's symptoms, and has an endocrinologist that is messing with her. So I told her about Dr. Ludlum and his Cushie Camp and that her daughter needs to get there ASAP! I will be emailing her the info shortly.
Me having this disease has brought, including this woman, 4 people to Dr. Ludlum and closer to getting their lives back. If that is His will, so be it. I will be an ambassador of hope. And Courage. If I can do that, if I can bring others to doctors or at least to knowledge that they have a chance at getting cured, at a normal live, it makes it all worth it.
I hope...

to have children

to direct major motion pictures as well as inde films

to travel the world

to visit all my new, Cushie friends

to work and march for a better future with my comrades

to take Mrs. Zebra out dancing

to get Mrs. Zebra "cured"

to cook huge meals

to mow my own lawn

to have the energy to mod my own car

to feel like my own age

to not be winded by walking from my car to a building

to move to a cooler climate

to be happy

I love the quote in the picture above. There ARE more important things than my fear.
The Weary Zebra

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Another Rare Day

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As tired as I am now, I know it is the price I have to pay for such a fun day yesterday. Dr. Ludlum says I have a variable tumor, that turns on and off when it wants to. My tumor was ON yesterday! We had planned on going to a good friend's graduation dinner but we had not seen a movie in a while. So we decided on a matinee viewing of Robin Hood. Very good, I might add.
But as we headed to the dinner (more like a late lunch), my dad called and wanted my advice on a laptop. I was feeling good so we decided to meet after lunch. The significance of this is that he has never owned a computer before. So we had a great time at the graduation lunch, I ended up soaking myself with crawfish before it was over and the spicy seasoning made my lips (and inner nose) tingle. I went through a pitcher of tea keeping the hot spice at bay but the pain was worth it!

We took my dad to the Apple store, since they are DA BOMB! He will be using this mac for years! He even went to a class this morning about his mac! He also got an air card for his mac to access mobile internet! So proud of him.
But as fun of a day it was, I am paying for it today and in more than one way. I felt like trash as soon as we got home. My dad walks so fast. He wore me out! I felt even worse today, but it was worth it! I just get so SAPPED and drained anymore. But when I have the energy, I try to use it.
I also upset a really good friend yesterday. She shared something that was private that I thought was not as private as it was. I was having such a good time, I didn't see that. She is hurt but hopefully will stay a friend and one day I hope to earn her trust back.
Below are some goofy pics Mrs. Zebra took of me while at Camp Cushie. Just thought I would add them since over all it was a good day yesterday.

The Weary Zebra

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Official Diagnosis and Surgery

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Well, I got the call today....


I knew it was important when they called Mrs. Zebra first, and conferenced me in. Kind of like when you are called into the principal's office and your mom is standing there when you walk in the door... yea, that kind of stomach turning nervousness... but I knew what he was going to say. Why so nervous...

I went to the back and Dr. Ludlum got on the line.

His pauses as SOOOO long...

He starts off by asking me how I felt toward the end of the week. Truth be told, I don't remember. Its been a week, and I didn't sleep that week... but I remember it wasn't great, and I was up late against my will, red face, stripes, etc. Apparently, my tumor turned off about Thursday. My dex reaction was high normal. My UFCs from Monday through Wed were 150, 180, 190 (take that OLD PCP DOC!) but my IPSS didnt show anything. Except..

long pause


The tech said he wouldn't trust the numbers if they came out normal. He said my left sinus cavity is way to large, and will throw the numbers off, lowering them. And it did. Made them normal.
Long pause


Then he said that the UFCs should be enough to officially diagnose me. His exact words were, "You have The Cushing's" And my world stopped. My journey for a cure only really started this year and already I have a diagnosis. It is elating, but t the same time I feel guilty that so many others fight for years for it. But he wasn't done. He said he needs a bit more proof. My CT of lungs and abdomen look good, and he wants another Dex test, but wants an Octreotide scan to show any tumors. Kind of proving that it isn't anywhere else!
Now the problem is financing. Our savings is blown, tax return gone. I will get a bit of cash when we go to the convention in early June from our hotel mates, but we might need more. And... Mrs. Zebra cant come that first week. If she did, she would miss surgery because she would have to go back to work. And the Inn, while less expensive than a hotel, costs us more in rent for two weeks. So we ask for prayers and if you have any donations you would like to give, I will be attaching a paypal button on the blog. Its easy and you can use a credit card or checking account. Anything is appreciated.

So, here we go again....

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets

The Zebra Wife has something to say!

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Here is the misses and her comment on Camp Cushie. Enjoy!

The Weary Zebra

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Cushie Camp Day 5

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Here is the conclusion of my trip to Dr. Ludlum's Camp Cushie. I do have one more video from that week to post in relation to Cushing's, but I will have to do that tonight/tomorrow. For now, here is Day 5. S

The Weary Zebra