Alone and Sick

Today was especially hard. Mrs. Zebra would help me out on days like this. I honestly dont know how I even made it to work and home. On days like today, she would drive me to work or I would get enough support that I could barely make it in, and would let me relax when I got home. I fell out of bed this morning. I literally had to crawl to my steroids and take some. My memory decided to elude me and I couldnt find my cane. It was in the car. The last week, Ive been on a steroid high, my adrenals working overtime. They are gone now; empty. Drove like 10 under the speed limit all the way to work, after running late as it was. Just couldnt get going. I hurt constantly, but worse now. Depression really does hurt. After work, I had to pick up an Rx so I stopped by the store on the way home. It took me an hour to pick up a frozen pizza, and my Rx. All the electric carts were taken. My brain fog was in full effect as I wondered the 20°F parking lot for nearly 20 min, because I couldnt remember where I parked. Turns out I passed it twice, once being when I exited the store. I called my dad today, and he just told me to "get over" my illness. Because brain tumors are easy to ignore, right?

I usually cheerfully take these trials on, knowing my sweetheart is home waiting to hug me. I have no reason to live now. Why fight?

What is the point?

Depressed and in pain Zebra. 

Errands and Pride

I wont lie. I hate mundane shopping. I love cool shopping. Shopping for gadgets, computer parts, movies, action figures (don't judge me!), costume parts, etc. But shopping for clothes sucks (I cant wear most of the cool stuff, but Big and Tall is getting some cool stuff. Will post pics of dork pants later!), and grocery shopping kills me.
Two days ago, I had to make yet another quick trip to Wal-Mart. This weekend, we need to make a list of stuff we need. Anyway, everything was grocery except the Miracle-Gro. Funny they come in singles, like Kool-Aid. My mother always used to say she fed us the stuff. And the way the store is laid out, all the plant stuff is on the other side of the huge store. So I grab a cart and head that way. Now, I remind you that even though I have had Cushing's for 18 years, my symptoms have only gotten really bad the past 3-5 years. I used to pull 10 of these carts in at a time with rope hundreds of times a day. When I was a cart pusher at this same store, I could push 100 of them with two guys helping and one to steer. I didn't make it half way to the other side of the store with ONE empty car before I had to stop and rest. I was pouring sweat and ached all over like I HAD pulled 10 of these. You can imagine what it was like when I got it this full. This was most of it. I juts got some fresh veggies and checked out at the self check out.
When my back was out, I had no problem using the electric carts. And to some degree, it is still out. But I didn't want to use the stupid things again. This trip showed me that I just might have to the next time.
Or just drive my smart inside.

The Weary Zebra

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Zebra Snippet 5: The Walk

Many people take for granted the ability to do every day activities. Going out on the town is something most people just "do". People with Cushing's, however, do not have this luxury. We have to plan for every part of our day. The planning alone can sap your energy with what this disease does to ones mind.
Take a trip to the mall, for instance. Just park and go in, right? Not for us. First you have to figure out which way is the right direction to go, then remember it. Then, comes the hard part: finding a close enough place that you won't be TOO tired or TOO out of breath to do your errands. As usual, I dropped the misses off as close as possiable. But after having to park way out, I really wish I had a handycap plaquard. It's harder for the misses to do the walk, but after seeing this sight, I really can't wait for tha diagnosis. This summer, I can forget about walking this in the 110° heat...

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets