Today I am 17 Days out from surgery. Im beginning to have some 2nd and even 3rd thoughts about it. This is battling with the rational thought that I NEED this surgery. I just thought I would get some of these out.
Im afraid I might not make it through surgery.

Im afraid my personality might change drastically.

Im afraid they wont get it all, and it will have been for nothing.

Im afraid I will get a Cerebrospinal Fluid Leak.

Im afraid of how I will feel afterwards.

Im afraid I will be an invalid.

Im afraid I will make Mrs. Zebra too jealous of my being able to stay home while she works.

Im afraid they wont find ANY tumor at all.

Im afraid we will go bankrupt because of my illness.

Im afraid Mrs. Zebra will leave me for a healthier man.

Im afraid my work will let me go because of my illness.

Im afraid of being hospitalized (though its been on my list of things to experience in this life)

Im afraid my family will become even more distant than they already are.

Im afraid of being more lonely than I am now.

Im afraid adrenal insufficiency.
Im afraid of giving myself injections.

Im afraid of weening.

Im afraid of being alone.

Im afraid I will be a burden on my father-in-law.

Im afraid no one will visit me, as is common with Cushing's.

Im afraid my pituitary will never turn back on.

Im afraid my adrenals wont ever work right again.

Im afraid I wont know what to do with myself when I AM better.

Im afraid of my life being so different afterwards.

Im afraid nothing will happen.

Im afraid the surgeon will sneeze during surgery.

Im afraid an earthquake will strike during surgery.

Im afraid of an electrical outage during surgery.

Im afraid I wont be thought of.

Im afraid.

Posted via email from The weary Zebra: Zebra Snippets


Jenny said...

Oh Brandon, you poor thing! You're letting your Cushie brain run away with you. :( I'm pretty sure that nearly all of your fears aren't gonna happen, and of course there are no guarantees in this life, but you're in good hands, you're young, and you've got the best chance at a good outcome. Go and make a list of all the good things that might more fatigue, no more insomnia, no more roid know that you need this surgery, all will be well. (((hugs)))

NancyJ said...

Jenny is right. List the good possibilities. Let Mrs. Zebra help with that list so she won't be so afraid either.

Courage my friend. Cushing's is making its last stand by making you fearful. Courage is doing what must be done in spite of fear. You can do this.

Saberlowe said...

I agree with the others, Brandon-- you're gonna do GREAT, but I have to say, I'm kinda blown away by your list... you're thinking about exactly the same things as I was before surgery.

I was totally worried about the earthquake thing (surgery in LA!!!) and I'm still freaked out by the idea of how much my personality might change when I'm cured and no longer have massive amounts of cortisol coursing through my veins. It's freaky! We've both lived with this disease for so long and life IS gonna be different when we're cured. I think it's fear of the unknown really.

The Weary Zebra said...

Your right Sara. I think it is feer of the unknown. 18 years I was told nothing was wrong with me and in the corse of 1, not only do I find out I'm VERY sick, but on mt way to a "cure". I thought about making a "hope" list but I don't know where to start. Thank you all for your kind words. It means so much!

Anonymous said...

I have been having some of these exact same fears about my upcoming pituitary surgery and thought I was just being paranoid or irrational. It's nice to know someone else was thinking the same things:) Thank you for posting.

The Weary Zebra said...

To the last poster, I would love to know when your surgery is and where. You can email me at any time.

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