Who Wants To Hurt First?

"...I can't slow down, I can't hold back. But you know, I wish I could..."

Living with Cushing's is not for the weak or faint of heart. Being a self-proclaimed caffeine addict, I can deal with most of my "Highs" (though the one that put me in the hospital scared the #@$& out of me) the lows are nothing I would wish on most people. What is worse than every joint and mussel aching, your head spinning and hurting, and your mind trying to tell you that nothing matters? Living with someone going through the same lows at the same time.

Ok, hold on. I know what you are going to say: "You exploit your wife on youtube and then talk smack about the poor thing behind her back." No. I love my wife. To the depths of my soul, I love her. But... Well, here is the scenario WE thought of to explain the situation:

We were both low. Really low. But felt like we HAD to get out of our 800 sqft apartment on the poor side of town. So we flip a coin to see who will hurt more to drive us there. She looses, she drives. When we get to the theater, we argue to see if she will drop me off or not. I loose, I get dropped off.

When we meet up, we see our film (slowly walking in and out of the theater) and when we exit, we meet... the curb. We look at each other and I ask her if she wants to go first while I stabilize her, or the reverse. She tells me to go first. She holds my arm as I ease the leg that is not hurting as much (usually my left leg) and put weight on it as she eases me down. Then she places her hand on my shoulder and eases herself down using me to help support her.

These are our friends! Not just for wheelchairs anymore!

When we are both low together, it can be hard to do anything because we know each other is in pain and neither of us wants to ask for help. Because the low amount of adrenaline makes us feel inferior and depressed, we dont FEEL like we deserve any help. Its the same reason I believe most Cushing's patients go undiagnosed and drink the kool-aid that they are fat and need to diet. So if you are reading this and ANY of this sounds familer, I sugest you bring it to your doctor after doing some research. Start at www.Cushings-help.com. It is a great resource. And if it makes sense, and your doctor doesn't want to hear you, FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR!

I hope I have been some kind of encouragement! Now to hobble away and fix dinner...

"Oh, there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Money don't grow on trees.
We got bills to pay,
We got mouths to feed,
There ain't nothing in this world for free.
I know we can't slow down,
We can't hold back,
Though you know, we wish we could.
No there ain't no rest for the wicked,
Until we close our eyes for good"


Anonymous said...

It really IS a huge insight to the things you're having to deal with. Know that I'm always here in thought to support you both!

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