Purple Rage

...You Wouldn't Like When I'm Angry."
 Well, I dropped off my 24hr UFC this morning, asured that both tests would be done: Cortisol and 17OHC. I was praying all day while trying to stay awake that the numbers would come in high and I would get a diagnosis. I didn't think they would be in so soon...

I got and email that they were in so I logged into the hospital's site and low and behold there it was. I read over the numbers at about 6pm and quickly posted them online for other Cushie's to desypher. About 7pm, someone comments that it is missing a crutial hormone: Cortisol. The make-it or break-it cause of my own personal hell. So I quickly logged back in on my phone while going to the movie ticket counter and I had missed that the test was for THE WRONG HORMONE! I quikly shot the endocrenologist an email and went into the theater to enjoy the flik.

Two hours later, I am ticked.

My pulse is high, I am agatated. I didnt enjoy the last 30 min of the movie and dont feel like myself. I usually annalize the heck out of most films, but had forgotten all about it with this change of emotions. I went into the restroom and quickly appoligized for my comments online about how the doctor Freaking cheated me. But thats how I felt. I felt so cheated. I quickly walked out of the restroom and I wanted to throttle the next person I came to, I was so ticked! And I had vissions of kicking the crap out of several people around me and.....I stopped. I thought, this isnt right. So I went back into the restroom and since no one was in there, I lifted my shirt...


Purple dots

Purple Stripes


The color of my dots and marks told me everything I needed to know. And I looked at my phone and saw it was after 9pm. Im getting high. High on cortisol. The hormone that @#$%^&*! doctor didn't order a test for! WTH!? Ooohhh, he should be SO #$%^&* glad he wasn't there....

Needless to say, it was an intesting drive to Chili's after that. Tunnel vission down the freeway. I was aggated, focused but oblivious to anything else. My frustration at why I was frustrated (cortisol) and how stupid it was, made me MORE frustrated! I felt like I was an aderline junkie (technically I am, causes the pains apperently, when I dont have it) and I was getting my fix! But, not in a good way. I want to sleep, but cant. So, purple rage continues. Thankfully, my doting wife understands and knows Im not mad at her. Im just mad. And agated. And its not my fault. Or the doctor's fault WHO DIDN'T ORDER THE F$%^&* TESTS I ASKED FOR! No, its the cortisol. So I "rest" in solice knowing what the heck is wrong with me.

At least, one thing.... can't fix crazy...


judycolby said...

You know when you started talking about how angry you were, I thought - "he's high"! Been around it enough to recognize the description. Because I can get angry & it's nowhere near that bad.
So can you get him to order the cortisol?

The Weary Zebra said...

Apperently he did. But its going to the Mayo clinic for some reason. It will be a few weeks. I was not thinking rationaly so I complained.

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